I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
