She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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