Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
