Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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