Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
