Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
