Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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