so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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