She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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