I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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