...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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