i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
