You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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