So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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