TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize