Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
