I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
