i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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