i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
