His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
