The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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