I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize