i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
