I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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