I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
