Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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