thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
