Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A bitchslap is in order.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
