We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
