all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
that may or may not have been my penis.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
