Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
