She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
