meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
