she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Drunk is not a location!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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