i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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