Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
