I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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