Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
