Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
