she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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