i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
