Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
