I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
