I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize