she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
