so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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