dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
