if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
