3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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