It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
