Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize