just tell him i said nine months
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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