honey bunches of taint.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
