Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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