My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize