now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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