2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
