You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
