i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
