Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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