I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
