why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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