And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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