Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
