overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he fucked my hip out of place.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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