The maid of honor just puked.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
