i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
