guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
