Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
