Only a mothe r could love this liver
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
