The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
