somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
