scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
