Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
