how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
