i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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