New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
