Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize