dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
