I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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