Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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