I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
